by Jay Kerner                       

There are a lot of philosophies out there. From the highest levels of academia, to the bum in the gutter, everybody has their own unique way of looking at things; a sometimes complicated mental maneuver that lets us deal with the unpredictable crap life throws out as we make our way in the world.  

Most people start with a tried and true stock model like vegetarianism or multi-level marketing, and then tweak it a little to make it their own. 

As someone who has made more than a few non-traditional choices along the way, it occurred to me that I must have a unique philosophy of my own. What I needed to do was figure out how to market that bad boy.  

While there are surely a fair number of people who will never get it, as I’ve tried to sift the flecks of gold from the sand and mud that fills my head, I have found something that works for me. When I say works, I’m talking about finding answers to some of the cosmic questions like who I am, how I got this way, and most importantly, what am I going to do about it?  

One of the wonderful yet horrifying things about parenthood is the unregulated ability to foist your philosophy on to your unsuspecting children. Your kids are sort of your own little private sociology experiment. All the results aren’t in yet, but based on the early returns from my daughters in young adulthood, I think I’m on to something. But having it in your own head is one thing. Raising your own kids to think this way is another. Communicating it to other people effectively is something else entirely. So now after admittedly minimal product testing,  I’m going to share an idea, a simple concept that has helped me understand myself better and just maybe you can use it your own self. 

But first things first, if you are going to have your own philosophy it has to have a name.Some of the cool ones have catchy phrases like; “When life gives you lemons…..” or “Keep it simple stupid.” What I needed was a metaphor to sort of sum things up. I call mine “The Big Bag of Stuff”. 

Take a deep breath, here goes…. 

Imagine if you will, that at the moment of your conception, you are handed your own special hospitality bag crammed full of stuff. Thank you for playing; here are your parting gifts.  

There is so much stuff in your little bag that you wonder how you could fit any more in. Luckily, this is a very special bag that magically stretches to accommodate all the new stuff you add over your lifetime. It’s sort of like when you hit the atmosphere, you bring a carry-on. 

So, we all start out with our own one-of-a-kind selection. Let’s see what’s in there and then try to figure out what to do with your “Big Bag of Stuff.” 

#1  Physical Characteristics. This takes up a lot of space in the bag:  DNA, genetic code, blonde, brunette, tall, short. Like that. The stuff in there is marked “All sales final. No returns or exchanges.” You would think this would be one of the easy areas to deal with since there is so little you can do to change it. But no, everyone instead has issues it seems no matter what genetic hand they are dealt. 

The evidence for this is all around us. Look at Michael Jackson’s pathetic compulsion to reinvent himself as a creepy middle-aged white woman. In basketball, it’s why the short, puny guy dreams of dunking, while Shaquille O’Neill wishes he could make free-throws anywhere near the completion percentage of the average 6th grader. How else can you explain aerosol replacement hair in a can? (Full story)