Dear Joe,Thanks for your story about cleaning up this town. It’s about time somebody spoke up. I always pick up my own property, but I’m too self-conscious to pick up my neighbor’s. Any suggestions?Tired Of Trash
Dear TOT,There are several ways you can go here. You could conduct a stealth operation, picking up trash in the wee hours by flashlight. But be careful, I’d hate for you to be mistaken for a burglar. Police: “Hey you, what’s in the bag?” You: “Nothing officer, just some dirty diapers and fast food wrappers”. If you do go this way, try leaving the bag of collections on the doorstep as a friendly reminder.
A caller to our answer line, 364-4JOE, suggested a bounty on litterers of some kind. With the new concealed carry permits and a minimal cash reward, people would think twice before tossing that Burger King sack out the window. We like the thinking, but our legal department recommends that we back off from endorsing the idea.Joe
Dear Joe Dumbass,Saw your crappy anti-smoking story in your stupid paper. Just because you’re not cool enough to smoke, nobody else should either right? Well, just so you know, God invented tobacco, and put it here for us to use. When we toss a butt, we’re just returning it to nature, where it came from. People Hoo Love Every Goldang Marlboro
Dear PHLEGM,….. I’ve got nothing.
Dear Joe,We love the Old Joe column and look forward to it each issue. Krug Park and Lake Contrary were fabulous, and we can’t wait to see what you cover next. How about a story on turn of the century drycleaners south of Garfield?Never Underestimate The Southside
Dear NUTS,Thanks for the kind words. We looked into your story idea, but found the technology hasn’t changed all that much since 1999. We’ll monitor the situation and keep it on the back-burner for future issues.Joe
Dear Joe,More music, more music, more music!Music Lover
Dear ML,We hear you, but we could use your help. Know of an upcoming show? Send us info for the Calendar of Events. Been to a great show? Write up a review and send it to us. Got a guilty pleasure in your music collection? Why not tell us about it. After all, our website says it all; urjoe.com!
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